by David Palmer | Jan 30, 2016 | Touch
Professional massage practitioners are not the only ones who make money touching. A growing movement gaining traction in our disembodied world brings groups of unrelated people together for non-erotic touch interaction.
Variously called cuddle clubs, cuddle parties or snuggle parties this phenomenon now has its books, YouTube videos, Meetup.com groups (75 and counting), and commercial ventures that are monetizing physical affection. The latter include Cuddle Party (already in 17 states and provinces), Cuddle Up to Me (a retail store in Portland, OR), and The Snuggle Buddies (a registry of independent snuggles).
An early version of social touch clubs were massage trade evenings pioneered by Gay men over two decades ago as one response to the AIDS crisis. As the world become increasingly touch-phobic, in typical fashion, the LGBT community responded with a safe, creative, pro-touch solution to the the prevailing fears. More recently, erotic touch clubs have also emerged out of various subcultures in the USA (think Burning Man) and more blatantly in some European cities such as London. Caveat emptor: if you see the word “Tantric” in any advertising it is euphemism for erotic touch and cuddlers beware.
The beauty of all of these groups is that they are very explicit about touch boundaries as they begin to parse the fine line between sensuality and sexuality. Contemporary culture will never overcome the touch negativity of the past centuries until non-sexual touching can be made safe. Strictly enforced policies address what to wear, alcohol and drugs, scents and hygiene, conversation, and, most importantly, how to initiate, ask for, accept and refuse touch.
Self-organized cuddle and massage clubs generally charge a nominal fee for the evening or for joining, while the commercial clubs and group parties might run $25 for 90-minutes. Individual one-to-one services are priced $60 and hour on up, depending on location.
Many of the group facilitators and professional snugglers are also massage practitioners. This is an great example of how the massage community is slowly beginning to embrace their role as touch educators and advocates. If there is not a cuddle community in your area, start one through MeetUp.com or join one of the commercial services expanding nationally. The more educated that people are about the joy of non-erotic touch, the more likely they are to appreciate the value of a professional massage.
by David Palmer | May 8, 2014 | Touch
Touch is good for us. While that may come as no surprise to the massage profession, research that helps us describe the underlying physiology of touch is a tremendous breakthrough. We can now tell our customers exactly why massage makes them feel good.
Within seconds of receiving positive touch, two indisputable and totally involuntary reactions occur. The first is that the bloodstream gets flooded with oxytocin, the feel-good hormone. The second is the stimulation of the parasympathetic nervous system response, otherwise known as the relaxation response.
Oxytocin immediately makes us feel calm and connected in empathetic ways to both our internal and external environments. When the relaxation response is triggered, our bodies move into healing mode where digestion occurs, organs repair and our immune response is supported. This is the opposite of the stress response.
These simple ideas can be quickly communicated—verbally and in printed and line marketing materials—and add an important scientific layer of credibility to our simple touch services. We no longer have to promise musculoskeletal miracles, but can confidently make the case that positive touch is enough.
by David Palmer | Jan 7, 2014 | Bodywork, Touch
A recent article in The Atlantic about a phenomenon called ASMR (autonomous sensory meridian response) reminded me of how little we celebrate the purely sensational nature of massage.
ASMR is a subjective sensory experience that typically includes highly pleasurable tingling in the head triggered by external audio or visual stimuli such as whispering, tapping or watching certain videos. Possibly because someone early on began referring to this sensation as a “brain orgasm,” the ASMR meme went viral with articles appearing on Slate, Time, and Huffington Post as well as numerous podcasts and radio programs. YouTube already lists nearly 2 million videos on the subject.
I had two reactions when I first read about ASMR. The first was, “What’s the fuss about? Every time I get a massage, I tingle all over, including in my head and brain.” My second thought was, “How come massage doesn’t have 2 million videos on how good massage feels?”
Professional massage exists on a social acceptability spectrum that can be summarized into four major categories: Sexual, sensual, wellness, and therapy. For the past 30 years the goal of the mainstream massage industry has been to highlight the latter two categories while downplaying the first two in an attempt to create as much distance as possible between massage and any hint of prostitution.
In the process, the fact that, first and foremost, massage feels good has gotten lost. That is unfortunate because, as science is now discovering, feeling good is probably one of the best things that we can do for our ongoing health and well being.
Learning how to stimulate a parasympathetic (relaxation) response, as massage does quickly and so effectively, is crucial to the daily health and renewal of virtually every physiological system in our bodies, not to mention the maintenance of a healthy psycho-social balance.
“Massage is not just pampering,” popular magazine headlines try to convince us. I say, what’s wrong with pampering if it boosts the immune system, lowers blood pressure, reduces stress hormones, increases oxytocin and heightens heart rate variability, a marker of parasympathetic response? A simple, caring massage is also an unconditional validation of my existence that nurtures both internal and external empathy. What’s not to like?
All massage is sensational. It makes us feel more and it makes us feel better. What a gift is the massage that banishes the numbness with which we armor our bodies and our spirits. Let us celebrate the sensational essence of massage and start making those videos.
by David Palmer | Jul 2, 2012 | Chair Massage
Whenever I am in an unfamiliar room, full of people I don’t know, my shy parts come out. I feel isolated, vulnerable and fearful and immediately begin looking for the nearest exit.
However, I also know that the best thing to do is to force myself to go up to someone in the room and introduce myself. Once I have made a connection with another person, my shy parts start to relax and my more social parts start to take charge.
For many people about to get the first massage of their life from a stranger, often in a strange environment, the situation is many times more scarier. These are the people we often encounter when doing chair massage.
That’s why it is crucial that the massage practitioner takes the initiative to quickly make new customers feel welcome. I walk toward the customer with my hand extended, greet the customer by name and introduce myself while shaking their hand. Then I lead them to my massage chair.
The handshake is important because it is the first step in our physical touch relationship and, for most people, a handshake represents safe touch. Stepping forward first is a way to let them know that you resonate with their vulnerability and are willing to step into their space, before they step into yours.
There is generally a lot of verbal interaction that goes on in the first 60 seconds of that relationship. Most importantly I want to know about the customer’s previous experience with professional touch. “Have you ever had a massage before?”, “Have you ever had a chair massage?”, “Have you ever had an acupressure massage?” are all questions that will give valuable information as to their comfort level with touch.
Secondarily, with new customers I want to always ask for and receive permission to touch specific parts of their bodies. “I am going to work on your shoulders, arms, upper back, lower back, neck and scalp.”
As I mention each body part I touch the same area on myself. I find that helps slow me down and not make the introduction sound so much like a rote recitation while, at the same time, giving customers two sensory pathways through which to absorb what I am telling them. Remember, these folks are often nervous and overwhelmed. My job is to help them gain a sense of control. I do this by clearly outlining the structure and content of our relationship.
After I have described where I am going to be touching, I ask them if there is anyplace in their upper body where I need to be cautious, where they have aches, pains, strains, cuts bruises, rashes, injuries, surgeries or the like.
This is their cue to inform me of any musculoskeletal issues that I need to know about, but also the point at which they can ask me not to touch certain areas of their body, if they choose. The most common area that people mention not wanting touched is their hair or scalp.
After I have asked for and received permission to touch specific parts of their body, next I need to know how to touch those parts. Since I do traditional Japanese massage on a sequence of acupressure points, for me that mostly means making certain that my touch pressure be appropriate.
I always verbally give customers permission to give me feedback about my pressure. “If at any time during the massage anything feels uncomfortable, you will let me know, all right?” After getting their assent, I also tell them, “You are going to be in charge of the amount of pressure that I use. When I start working on the acupressure points, I am going to ask you for feedback about the pressure.”
This is an important piece. It is not enough to give people explicit permission to give you feedback; you must also make them practice giving you feedback so they will know you are serious about having them control their experience.
When I start working on the first line of acupressure points, I ask something like, “How’s the pressure? Would you like more, less or should I keep it about the same?” It is important to frame it as a question so that your customers are forced to commit to a response and take responsibility for their bodies.
Many people are so out of touch with their bodies that they have no frame of reference from which to respond. Or, since they perceive you as the “expert,” customers sometimes believe that you have some magic ability to know what the perfect pressure will be for their body.
Thus, I may add any of the following explanations to the mix for further clarification:
“The pressure doesn’t have to hurt to be effective.”
“We are looking for enough pressure so that your body want to go, “Ahhh…” but not so much pressure that it wants to go, “Ow!!”
“Any amount of pressure will activate circulation in the area.”
“It is not a no pain, no gain situation.”
“This massage is not supposed to hurt. It is supposed to make you feel better, not worse.”
And, as my friend Ken Bridgman notes: “Unlike Bill Clinton, I can’t feel your pain, so you are going to have to tell me if it hurts.”
Here are a couple of other notes about solidifying the touch relationship during a massage.
- For new customers, depending on the length of the chair massage, I will ask for feedback about pressure 2 to 5 times during a massage.
- Anytime I get feedback from a customer I always thank the person for letting me know.
- If I get the pressure wrong on one side of the body, I always ask for feedback when I get to the same section on the other side of the body.
If you have any other suggestions about how to make people comfortable receiving touch from a stranger during a chair massage, leave a comment below.
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